I have another little piece up on Elephant Journal. (I am falling a bit behind on here)!
I wrote this piece to unveil some of the truths of what my 3-year marriage taught me. It is true and real, but the tip of some big healing icebergs that I have been navigating these past twelve months. I hope that some of my truths resonate. You can check it out below.
Check out my new article on Elephant Journal, ‘The Art of Allowing’. . .
All the Love,
To The Girl I Once Was,
You do enough.
You are enough.
Trust your gut.
You don’t have to be friends with everyone.
You’re right to be wary of some people.
Others’ words wound because they are wounded.
Love them anyway.
Not everyone will think you are enough.
Love them anyway.
Do your best.
It’s the only way you’ll discover what you can do.
Cry on a shoulder once in a while.
Admit your hurts.
Admit your failures.
Trust the Universe.
Have unshakable Faith.
Anything in the world can be yours.
Do it all.
In those times keep moving.
At others be still.
Marvel at everything.
Love thy neighbour.
Like what you like.
Don’t try to be like them.
Don’t take advice from others unless they truly have what you are seeking.
People will talk; don’t be a part of it.
Be so excited about life you forget your fears.
Trust, even if you get hurt.
You always had it all.
We are all just at different stages of learning.
It’s okay to be shy and unsure.
You’ll get your chance to shine.
Don’t forget you reap what you sow.
Find your rhythm with the Mother.
Slow dance once in a while.
Flow don’t force, anything.
Your honour is everything.
Sometimes you’ll hurt.
More than you can ever imagine.
You will heal.
Be kinder still.
Help others heal.
Start with listening.
End with listening.
Holding space takes practice.
It’s okay to be private.
Know when to share more.
Your ideals are beautiful, but ideals box you in.
Don’t Ever box yourself in.
Reality is so much better.
Let it leave space for more.
Don’t think too long.
Jump in or move on.
There is no such thing as time.
Life sure flies though.
There’s so much to do.
There’s always more to learn.
You will be excited again.
New adventures await you.
You are dying, it started on the day you were born. Embrace it and let it drive you.
Talk to your angels.
They are here to help, relish it.
You are heard and supported.
You are loved more than you will ever comprehend.
Try, before it’s too late.
Curiousity never killed anything, but I am sure boredom and apprehension did.
You are an awesome miracle every second of every day.
Your worst is someones else’s best. Your best is someone else’s worst.
You can’t be good at everything. But you can try.
If it’s not fun or rewarding, move on.
Learn to play that instrument, that sport, that anything. Life will get easier with practice, but some things will certainly get harder.
Youth is for the young. Being older is so much better. Look forward to That.
Older is not always wiser, and youth not always ignorant.
Respect everyone, simple.
Sometimes you’ll think you’re right.
Sometimes you will be, (so what)!
Life is meant to be challenging, if it wasn’t everyone would do it.
Ask for help!
Still don’t get it? Ask again.
You’ll never be as young and beautiful as you are right now. Celebrate That.
Don’t act the way people expect you to be- Don’t act at all.
Famous does not equal happy.
Happiness is cultivated, it does not simply arrive on your doorstep.
It’s just as spectacular and freeing as you imagine. Only better.
Don’t buy into the hype.
Life is a game, don’t be the uptight competitive guy that forgets about the fun.
Your choices help change the world.
There is no other you.
But people will still swear you have a doppelganger somewhere.
We are more similar than we are different.
You are still unique.
Life is a paradox.
Embrace the contradiction.
Good food and company will leave you feeling good.
(Unfortunately), the opposite is also true.
You define You.
Write the best story ever.
Choose your support cast wisely.
Family are the best. You already chose them. You’ll be grateful one day.
Imagine that now.
You know that guru you wanted, it is the Universe/God/Source, and is a part of You.
You can’t go back, clean up messes quickly.
Be honest, be sorry, be unafraid. Be Love. This moment will pass. Some people will be lost to you.
Things aren’t always what they seem.
Sometimes they are exactly as they seem. This is sometimes worse.
The world needs you.
You can make a difference.
You already have.
Ripples travel farther than a roaring wave.
Tv really does rot your brain.
WE GOT THIS.
Boxes. I never liked them. The idea of them, the containment. In my younger days I never boxed myself into one career, one relationship, one place to live. And yet a friend recently told me that the teddy I had given her son was a Dancer because I was a Dancer, full stop. Each teddy he received was to have the profession of its’ giver. It’s a sweet concept, and very thoughtful, but I may’ve laughed out loud. Not only am I no longer a Dancer, the idea that in this life I had been assigned one identity based on a period of my life seemed bizarre to me. Soon I will be a Mama, (note- I originally wrote this at the end of pregnancy, yes it’s taken me this long post this) and will likely be known as a Mama, maybe ‘just’ a Mama and it will be the greatest honour. Most of our new friends don’t know I was a Dancer, because I don’t share unnecessarily, and don’t feel the need to often visit days past. I also know I am so much more than that. I am a student, an eternal one at that. I am a writer, I am a philosopher. I am a teacher. I am healer, and I am a counsellor. I am a painter, and I am a singer. I am a musician. I am a magician. I am a leader, and I am a follower. I am a pioneer, I am a warrior. I am a ninja, I am a fighter, but I am a Lover too. I am a cook, I am a cleaner. I am a housewife. I am a master planner and organiser. I am a treasurer. I am a saint, I am a sage, I am naive. I am a beginner. I am wise and I am childish. I am all of these things and so, so, so much more. Maybe I was meant to be flattered by my own title, you see I could’ve been a cashier, which of course I have been. But little would it matter because I would still be all of these things, and more. I am a Goddess And I am eternal. Labels just don’t fit me anymore.
You only know a part of me. I am a Universe full of secrets.
I think confused used to be my middle name. I always imagined I'd have my shit together when I was 40, but I didn't think I'd wait till so close to its approach to begin to make it so.
When I was healing in 2011 I had these amazing theta healing sessions via distance. They worked unbelievably well on a physical and spiritual level. But they failed to help me get going on my life's purpose which was part of the journey. I already knew my life's purpose, I'd known it for twenty years, but with a finger in every pie and interest in just about everything, it became increasingly confusing. Despite this beautiful earth angel's help, I danced around what I knew I wanted. She would get carried away with me on a new path, a whim, humour me and then try not to sound frustrated when on our next call I would be ready to try something else.
It was only when I started to receive messages from my own angel team and guides that I reluctantly began nudging toward my North Star. They would not let me dodge or deny myself the chance at doing what I truly wanted anymore. Did they say I would be an amazing writer and communicator? Brilliant, flawless, always on point? No, no and no. But what they have shared with me, in silence, in signs, in songs, to my soul family, in dreams and visions, is far greater in value. And it reflects what I know deep in my heart. What could be more important than that?
As if all the confirmation and sign posts I received over the past three years weren't enough. Just to get me over the start line, whilst I was moving house recently and trying to get my blog up and running at the same time, one of my angel's literally wrote me what I needed to do.
My then boyfriend wrote this in 1996, I was surprised by its bold appearance in an old folder as I sorted things out for the move. Especially as I didn't even keep all of the hand written personal notes he gave me, (in order to not be stuck in a version of our past). Although I knew he was always with me, after leaving the earth plane in 1999 (he has a signpost all of his very own), I discovered early in 2014 that he is one of my Guardian Angels. (There is a whole story to that which I will share another time too).
Ever heard the saying the thing we find the hardest to do is the thing we must do? This is something I thought sounded really strange and yet this has been my truth. I was pushed and prodded and poked and reminded, and so very reluctant, and sometimes downright petrified- just to write what was in me. And share it! If that sounds extreme then search high and low for that same feeling as it is the one that will act as your compass. In my long lost life I was a professional dancer, for something that I loved to do so much, I always thought I should've been more fulfilled. (I felt the same in relationships until I found the find I knew was out there too btw ;).
Another amazing truth I've experienced recently is that the more you do the thing you Love, that thing you so desire to do- call it life purpose, soul contract, or just living your dreams- the more energy you have. That's right, even when you are laying in bed typing a blog one-handed whilst breastfeeding, relinquishing precious sleep time!
So what is life like knowing I am always being guided? Absolutely amazing. Magical. And so frequently miraculous. One day I will get together some articles on how to communicate with your guides and angel's but guys, if you haven't already, read 'The Afterlife of Billy Fingers' by Annie Kagan. If you haven't experienced a taste, can't imagine or feel some of what she describes, although it may seem extreme at times- you must deepen your connection to the other side. To your loved ones gone before you and others that Love you. To the magic inside which your beloveds hope and desire to bring forth. As part of all of your journeys.
Lately I have been looking at pictures of stars. Galaxies actually. Across our awe inspiring Uni-verse. Despite owning my own telescope, and regularly marvelling our majestic night skies. Being such an avid inward traveller I don't think I ever took time to give respect to those images taken of our outer Uni-verse. Right out there in space. It is not that I am surprised by what I see, as any traveller can tell you, these are the feels. In case you didn't realise, these are the feels! This knowing burns inside of me. Marvel at these images. At your incredible home. How can you not believe in your own magnificence and divine connection?
There is so much Love contained in these captures. Births, deaths, expansion, combustion. Pure creation. That is what is truly breathtaking. Not the fact that we (as humans) are able to take them. If we all marvelled at outer space and then reflected a little more on our inner space, consciousness would evolve into this in a heartbeat. We might start believing in our greatness long forgotten. It would all be ours again in a millisecond. We are all creators, and we are all cosmic players in this here Uni-verse. Which means One-Song, in case you were missing that little piece of magic.
Whether travelling ethereally or becoming one with the Uni-verse in mediation, millions of people can't be wrong, this is that which we are and it is pure earth shattering cosmic beauty. It is L O V E. We should be in constant service to our awesomeness. Every. Single. Moment.
Let's start with that
Yearn for that
I thought I was sailing full speed toward my goals
I now see that I was sailing half mast
Held back by my own perception of how much one can do
By the voices and energies of those struggling whilst I flow and fly
By not wanting to stand out 'too much'
By holding a little greatness under my wing to keep others comfortable and still feel I'm journeying beside my teammates
But there is more in me ready to bust forth now
Ready to show you how too
Ready to shine without thought of offence or lack of compassion for those not ready to combust just yet
But I must
And I have faith my burning light will reach you
Even if you duck and hide
Wallowing in your war, your words and your why me's
When there is always a higher thought, a lifeline
If only you would grab it
So if you are not ready, that is ok
But I will not wait
A day longer, to be my fullest
She has been standing only a foot in front of me
For too long
Surely you see it. I hope you feel it too. Right now on this planet, there are a large number of Souls soliciting their imprint and creative input onto Life as it was, to create a new one. These individuals have made changes within themselves and within their world, with the firm belief that these seemingly small changes have a ripple affect. I am one of those individuals. That means that I am currently the black sheep, and certainly the odd one out in allot of social situations, (but thankfully less so than 5 years ago). Believe me, I am aware that the shifts in our way of Life rarely have rapid measurable affects . This Blog is unlikely to change the world. And we are not the first generation of change makers. But there is a tipping point. Maybe, just maybe, some of the changes we make, some of the things written here, will resonate or inspire uplifting change in one person’s Life. Then, just as a stone is thrown across the water. . .
Maybe, just maybe, some of the changes we make, some of the things written here, will resonate or inspire uplifting change in one person's Life. Then just as a stone is thrown across the water. . .
There is allot of talk right now about being real. Being your true self, your best self, your higher self. This is awesome. We should all, to the best of our current awareness, be who we really are. Without fear of judgement from others. But it is not as simple as people profess. In a world full of energies and perceptions we often fall into patterns of being what others expect us to be, and this can be a very hard habit to break. It takes a great deal of conscious awareness, and also allot of self-awareness. As we are each creators, it takes us knowing exactly the kind of person we want to be, and what energy imprint we want to leave behind. Oftentimes when we walk into a social situation that we are not energetically prepared for, when we have progressed past taking on the energies and attitudes of others, we are left in a place of perplexed detachment. The thing is, as humans we thrive on connection. All people here are equal and made of the same starry stuff. Engaging with others can not only be extremely uplifting but enlightening when honesty prevails and connection naturally follows.
I had a significant learning experience recently watching my daughter at a social gathering that was just not setting her little heart alight. I found myself having to make excuses for her, something I never wanted to do. And certainly not something I ‘had’ to do, despite feeling that way. Everyone has bad days, even, especially, toddlers. I have felt in my heart recently that without being cruel we really, as a collective, need to step up the honesty. Stop tip-toeing around things, and express our truths and our hurts when we need to. I have no problem doing the later, but I do have a problem when people come into my space with their problems, but refuse to be honest with me about them when I show concern. It causes all kinds of emotional and manipulative play and is a huge drain on energy. I have certainly been at fault of this in the past, which is why it is so obvious in my current awareness. It is something we all need to work on. Also, it is great in theory to cut ties with those who drain us energetically, but often those most deeply affecting us are the ones closest to us. The ones we signed onto life on this planet to complete the greatest contracts.
Being ourselves means expressing exactly who we are in our immediate experience, not defaulting to some preconceived version of ourselves i.e. the bubbly one, the in control one, the eternally positive one, the one that has it all together. These are all versions I have been given of people lately, and the truth is when I have shown my true self without my 'eternally positive' mask, others have been shocked and it seems to make them very uncomfortable. In these moments of expressing frustration I was not experiencing a brain haemorrhage, nor had I had a personality transplant, I was just expressing myself, as I felt in that moment. A deep breath, a shoulder, and some much needed H2O later, I bounce back, upbeat as ever. Because that is what I naturally do. Again, this is not the same for everyone and that is ok. Also note that our physiology can sometimes cause symptoms and trigger emotions that we perceive as personality traits which are not at all (I will share a whole blog on this one soon).
The idea of being honest like children is not a new one. They wear their big, little hearts on their sleeves and they wear them wide, wide open. Until they learn from watching their elders that we must shove down our so-perceived 'negative' emotions. As long as felt and expressed through us and not harboured by us, no emotion can truly be negative. Of course we would all prefer to live in a joyful state of bliss all of the time. With a little practice and awareness of the present moment this is certainly something that can be tuned into when the moment calls it forth. Sometimes, despite every effort, and positive mantra, this will not be possible. And that is ok too. It is truly not a representation of a downhill slide or personality fault, but an expression that you are here having a human experience. It is when we have trouble bouncing back from these setbacks that we must reach up and grab a hand to help us, whether that hand be one of a friend or family, or a change we know we need to make to pull us out of a rut. Being strong is not pretending everything is okay when it is not. You are not fooling anybody and it takes a huge amount of effort on your part and energy from others. Being strong is feeling every single emotion that comes across your plate and accepting it, while also embracing others as their deepest, truest, and sometimes messiest, versions of themselves.
Phew! No one said this human cloaking deep mysterious eternal cosmic energy gig would be easy. But boy oh boy is it worth it.
As long as felt and expressed through us, and not harboured by us, no emotion can truly be negative.
It was my full intention that my first blog post was going to be a spiritual hippie toned 'how to' that had been on my mind for a while. (Think 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' for the hippie hearts). But here's the thing. I waited a really long time to get this blog up and running. I Love writing. It gives my life meaning. By this I mean it's how I make sense of everything, and when I don't write for a few days, I feel as though I'm coming unstuck. Despite that post having meaning to me, driven by the passion for healing ourselves and our planet, it just didn't feel personal enough. So in order to set the tone, musings. . .
Don't Retract. Expand.
There was a time in my life that when things got too much for me, I would do one of two things. A) act recklessly, or B) withdraw from life completely. Withdrawing from the pressures of life is not bad in itself if you are withdrawing to rebuild, dig your heels in, or plant deeper roots to grow stronger.
Challenge is the very foundation of life. Once we accept this, riding the waves becomes that much easier.
Unfortunately facing the challenges life throws our way can often disable us in such a way that we not only withdraw temporarily, but retract from life. When this happens we can let our trials engulf us. OR we can expand out and beyond said challenges. Challenge is the very foundation of life. Once we accept this, riding the waves, and the hopefully infrequent tsunamis, becomes that much easier. I don’t say this to be grim. Life is made up of sunshine and rain. That doesn't mean there aren't times when we ask for reprieve. Begging for a little ease and grace. With time unfolding, and humanity growing as it is, the lessons are coming in thick and fast. I have uttered those words more than a few times in the months passed.
There is a lesson for us even in the smallest trial, waiting for us to uncover it. The treasure.
I often wonder how I would've fared in these frequently challenging times as my now ancient self. Likely burying my head in the sand. Grabbing a drink, or several with friends, and waiting for the storm to pass. Never truly acknowledging or feeling what begs to be seen and felt. Therefore ensuring it will need to be both acknowledged and felt in some way in my days to come.
Now I beckon the storm, and grab a surfboard. Sometimes I sink. Sometimes I swim. But I never lose, because I am always growing. There is a lesson in even the smallest trial, waiting for us to uncover it. The treasure. We can ignore it if we so choose. But just wait for the same lesson to arrive on your doorstep again, and hope that next time it's not banging the door down.
Learned the hard way or much easier, our lessons will still transform us in all of the ways necessary to our growth. And surely, keep on rolling in. Sometimes, on my better days, I give them a wink at first recognition. Just to say "I see you". "I've been expecting you.” With a little bit of, "bring it"!
Sometimes, on my better days, I give them a wink at first recognition. Just to say "I see you". "I've been expecting you". With a little bit of "bring it"